what you don't run
what you don't fight back
what you don't call the cops
what you don't leave this flop
what is wrong with this picture

the one that wrongs
is the one thats right
in the eyes of police
he will tell them your the fight
in the eyes if you have family
they think you are the one or perhaps they know he is a monster
and so they are as scared to run as you are scared to stay or go
he tells you if you say a word
he will kill your family
one by one

He shows you his portfolio
as the weeks turn into years
a fellow turned upside down inside out 
another hung on barb wire by his eyes
and what about the fun run one night
when you took off pregnant
after been used for pleasure
by a cheer squad your monster man
brought home from a pick of hand
to be used like a dog like a log till your mind
becomes lost in a fog of frightened flight
that you are powerless to fight

He cuts you up into a jigsaw
like a piccaso gone wrong

secrets secrets secrets

ssh quiet whispers between filtered lights
blinds shut curtains pulled
secrets
now all hidden in the mind
don't matter
won't matter
you'll grow up
and forget this secret life
All a lie  a secret grows
like a noxious weed
spreads
its poisonous roots
deep within your mind

this isn't your regular little white lies secrets
or I'll tell you a secret
this is like life and death secrets
that one out of a million gets to have it
rare but not that rare
the type that can wipe your life off the face of the earth secret
you grow with a secret
Secrets recognize you
You cant let go
You cant leave a secret behind
the best you can do
is try to hide it
keep it quiet
deep somewhere
in your mind

It comes with you for the rest of your life
gathering more as you try to live
telling lies for the sake of getting by
SECRETS
taught by fathers mothers sisters  brothers
never is their color
only shades and dim lights
in the secrets that you despise


growing up
a quiet child
hiding back in corners
running from the secrets
that tie life itself in knots
tangled and frayed
the secrets multiply with the lies
everyday

Shying from the spot light
running scared all through life
never knowing quite why
but lie you do
and smile
as you become the pro
to the tricks of the trade
in a secret life


years of secrets pass
Secrets come and go
secrets find you
add you to their life
then leave you just as quickly
but not before they stain you
with their dirty bloody lies

till suddenly your all alone
you learn to dig your own hole
bury yourself alive
a master of the mask
always laughter happy smiles to hide
the sadness that stagnates
like a festering scab
you pick at it
telling bits and pieces
like a poem
of cryptic clues

Like a life wiped out by hurricane
you have no resume to life
no family no belonging no friends no history

this is my secret life

If i told you here today
right here now
Who I am
what happened to me
what became
of me
the places I've been
the people I have met
the people I have been with
and the people I have been
the things that I have seen
  The things that I have done
the things done to me
what would you make of me
what would you say about me
If I told you my secrets
would you still want to ...........
know
this
is
a
secret
you'll have to take this with you
it will own you
for the rest of your life

blue tattooed tear ~ a tattered ear ~ black panthers inked ~ a shoulder to cry #haiku

blue tattooed tear ~ a tattered ear ~ black panthers inked ~ a shoulder to cry #haiku: blue tattooed tear ~ a tattered ear ~ black panthers inked ~ a shoulder to cry #haiku

Abandonment

sparse not white 

hollow no echo 

vast 

humming 

the soundless hum of air 

trapped 

with no bars

a hostage

of denial

less than 

two feet from reach

I could have been on the moon 

how many distances 

have passed between us 

and I like an ant 

and they above in a plane perhaps

look down 

and see a multitude of specks 

Im so small 

inside and out 

smaller than an ant
and time is enormous
in the abandonment
distance and time
can be as close
as you and I 

The Dance of Odd Balls

Such is the dance
that leaves odd balls
paralyzed
wingless
footless
lost in life
sitting in dark corners
wearing masks
sugar coated
with nothing real inside

         You
don't even know yourself
                             to fill quarter of a room
never alone
                The kiss kiss
BIG smiles
pleased to sees YOU's
popularity poles
that all
love to cling
slide and swing

NO YOU sit and hide shy
with that shell of yours
WHATS to talk of
star signs ?
and whats more frightening
to being out of it
or in
that shell you carry
like a crab has
     on its back
moving sideways
never fronting your fears
not even when you catch a glimpse
of yourself
do you stand Tall Proud
   and reflect
          your reflection
NO YOU REJECT
even that of your own image
that you now make
since long ago
the gods must be crazy parents
you propped up on pedestals
and left you to deal with a world
your so quick to reject


But here's the deal
once you give in
You give up on yourself
and all of the above is going to become
                           your lowest point in the world
your not a sad reflection
your not an affliction
Don't let the phonies
push you back
in that shell
Get out now
                      while you can
Stop living your life in a trance
or this will be
your last chance
to show the world
Odd balls
can dance

The I in the Icing of Me and Myself

As I surrender
into the was'es of is'es
I find myself falling
out of the me
an into the am
that should have been
the I
in the Icing
of me
on the cake
of eating and having
it all
in the future
of I I I's
instead Im still here
wandering in a maze
of the was'es and is'es
of the me am's and I's
Oh what does it take
to find
the true self of
Me Myself and I 

Ode To The Fallen Stars

seem like an ink stain
standing out of your head
thoughts struggle
like a drowning
all arms and legs

so deep in the see
you don't notice
a thing that's said

                            feel like an out strung
being strung up for dead
who cares
no matter if the night falls
only wishing you would look
out side your head

See That Star
                     all arms and legs
like an octopus
in shallow waters
left breathless
with these thoughts in your head
cant seem to shake the urgent
to talk the need
cant find the words for want
but we all used to look
to the stain of the night
with luck
locking heads
open
to
wish
on a fallen star
all arms and legs
breathless
we held out our hands

A Strange Affair ~ Depression

The kiss
of promise
to always be
the quiet of me
Loneliness
like cold death
Oh Jealous Lover
it has always been you

The sadness of a cross
lays like a crucifixion
in darkness
this sordid affair
you call me
and I crawl the weight of you
your breath like humidity
takes mine
in the kiss

you know me well
you hide behind a veil
the clouds are now my eyes

such a strange affair
my only companion
since I was when
You were there then
took over my dreams
my youth
even my illusions
turned disillusions

how you wear me down
I've carried you for years
Im so tired
my back has turned me on myself

my control freak friend
Im just concerned
how this affair will end
I find myself
trying to hide things from you
even the scars that cut deep
with your name
till i was blue
but somehow you have a hand
in that too

You have convinced
the world that you are needed
they worship you
write your name
in script
and in turn
you have turned viral

Taking the world on
with a force
of quiet submission
I lay in wait for your one mistake
my control freak friend
my jealous lover
    and when you do
I will be there
ready for you
as all lovers do

Full Bloom

the fragility of rose
full bloom
her fall from the crown
leaves
tiny droplets
of blood red petals
spread across the earth
for an instant
then gone
with the wind
leaving
only her empty crown
and I
who bear witness
to the existence of rose
full bloom 

Twins of Summertime

the pregnancy
to the end of a day
gives bursts
to giant rain clouds
of blood red
that fill the sky
like a fired furnace

stretch marks of deep violet blues
twilight
and coil the red flames
in this furnace
a burning
of summers day

screaming's of birth
tantrums of thunder
as an explosion
of  blood red
      gives way
from the belly
of the sky
      and the waters break
giant drops of rain
fall

slowly
the sun slips
into the wet mouth
of the sea
swallowed whole
in a day
the birth of darkness
is born '
bearing full its moon
on the horizon
we call this time
night